After a week of utter torture I finally grasped reality and am trying to take my life back. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of it despite the first week of hell. The first day was the hardest. Sunday I was completely withdrawn and got so so upset at people constantly calling me. I locked up my house and put down all the blinds. I didn't want anything to do with the outside world at all and people calling and knocking at my door just made my situation worse. I didn't even have time to take it all in and try to cope with it without someone trying to lecture me. I wasn't myself that day D= After Will had left and was on the plane to England and then soon to Hong Kong last Sat (March 31st) my appetite was gone, I didn't feel tired, and my emotional status was a wreck. I didn't eat for 5 days and the episodes were consistent. I was living off of cranberry juice and water. I still went to work for a full day on that Mon (2nd) and half a day on Wed (4th). Everything just seemed dead. I can't explain it any other way. I was alive but I didn't feel alive. I would be staying up late as in like 4 am and getting up at 7am. But I didn't feel anything. Not tired, hungry - nothing - I was just there and trudging on doing what I had to do.

That's when the complications arose. Since I hadn't eaten and was LITERALLY on zombie mode my body finally was starting to waver in my eye sight was faltering and my balance was beginning to leave me. I tried eating a bit of something earlier in the day and everything I tried I threw up. Anxiety was so bad and since I hadn't eaten my body wasn't agreeing with anything. I finally came to the conclusion that I had to eat LIGHT foods like salad. That was a No dressing on it or anything just plain salad. After that the next day i had plain fish and cut up celery. Nothing on it at all - just a bland meal. After 3 days of a fish and celery diet, Easter Sunday (8th) I was FINALLY able to eat a bit more of solid food and it stayed down. That was the main part. My stomach felt really really odd when I felt the food hit it. It felt like I had eaten a rock and it just banged into my stomach on the inside. I had to eat a tiny bit then stop, tiny bit then stop, over and over. My stomach felt like that through Monday (9th) and Tues (10th). My digestive tract is still messed up as I'm trying to eat a little more everyday to get back to eating regularly again. At least I'm eating! A small meal but a meal nonetheless.


Easter was good. I was glad I decided to get away from the house because I keep getting my 'urges' and I am doing so well on that part and I DO NOT want a relapse. The feeling is still there and I feel like I'm starting to go crazy. My mind is wandering and I'm doing my best not to be alone this week for too long. I only have 2 more days! ONLY 2 days left to go and Will is gonna be back home with me and I can say "I made it and I'm alive. My system is all messed up and my sleeping pattern is off the wall but I'm here!"


If this was me a couple years ago....I would still be inside my house alone all closed up with my back to the world and taking all my emotion out on myself. I have changed and I have come a long way. Even though I have this vice I am trying to live with it and conquer it. Of course professional help is also helping as well - I can't give myself all the credit.

Easter Sunday was crazy for me. My mom, step dad, and every single one of my mother's kids was there. Way too many kids...8 kids is too much! So while we were all together we got a few pictures taken ~


I spent the night and I think it was good for me. Though the the kids drive me UP THE WALL! But then after leaving Monday morning (9th) I ended up going back and spending the night again on Monday night xP. Well, I am on the way to recovery and my sleeping is getting better. I can at least sleep for more than 2 hours at a time now! My eating I'll just have to take it slow. My stomach is a bit upset but I'm taking it one step at a time. Soon I'll be able to go back to my normal meals again without the weird feelings and getting bloated and gassy TMI?

Another upside to this challenge is that I have been doing really well at keeping myself occupied and NOT having one of my episodes =) Though I am still wary of what I do because I went for a year thinking I was completely fine and then BAM it came back - so I am being really conscious of my surroundings and the type of situations I put myself in.~~With that in mind I decided to write my vampire story! =D The one I've been working on for y-e-a-r-s----I am finally on the LAST chapter...I think xP I had stopped at chapter 5 and then wrote all the way through 11. I want Chapter 12 to wrap it all up and then put an epilogue at the end =) I think it'll be okay. But I know I'm gonna go back and change some things. I haven't had a chance to review it all yet but overall I'm happy with it.