So - after 'disappearing' for about a week I have finally come back to socialize with the world. No one probably had noticed but it's been going on for about a month or so. Things have just been 'hard'. I am still recovering as for the past week and still today have had a major tension headache on the left side of my head; which these some of the many causes are ALL relevant to me -

* Stress
* Depression
* Anxiety
* Holding your head in one position for a long time (like using a computer)
* Sleeping in an awkward position or in a cold room
* Eye strain
* Fatigue
* Overexertion
* Skipping meals
* Head or neck injury, even years after the injury
* Medications, including some headache medications (leading to rebound headaches)


I thought I would be back and stuck in my old self from long ago (those of you who are aware know what I am talking about) - But it was a bit different this time and I wasn't completely lost o.o. Things at the shelter are getting really busy and tight - We don't have a single cage that is free and there are crates full of animals everywhere. I work 10hr shifts and sometimes 12-13hrs because we are stuck behind at work just cuz there isn't enough time in a day to get all these animals cleaned, fed, etc.

Then after work I come home to my foster babies. (I only have 7 now - thank God! I did have around 12) and I would have to clean, fed, and get them all set up. By that time I am way too tired to eat. I get up early and don't bother with breakfast, I take a lunch to work with me finding out that if I take a break for 5 minutes I'll be put another half hour behind my work, and when I get home I am still working then by that time I crash, fall asleep then get up and do it again, waiting for the day I am off to pig out on food.

This is just working though. Between all of this other problems arise in the home along with personal and relationship issues. My rat ate a hole threw his $100 cage and got out in the middle of the night and ended up in bed with me...the cats were nuts. I have had 2 kittens die on me in a matter of a little less than 2 weeks, my foster kitten that I had fosters LAST year that got adopted came into the shelter in a trap - I tried calling the adopter many many times and he just ignores all calls. So with her staying her 'stray' time she ended up getting really sick and is now in my bathroom. 3 of my foster kittens have diarrhea and I have no clue why. Etc, etc... And that is just animal/work related.

Now through all this you ask...'where is your husband?' Well as you know Will just started a new job about 2 months ago. And this is when I started to go downhill without even realizing it until a lil before last week. Some of ya'll say "You two spend so much time together it is 'unhealthy'!" Well yes...we may be in the same house together or the same room together but that does not mean we are interacting and acknowledging each other.

Every single morning when he would wake me up telling me that he is off to work I would grab onto his shirt and hold on just wanting some kind of attention or just time with him. But then in the back of my mind it says "he has to go to work" and he says what my mind says "Honey, I have to go to work now" then I just curl myself up in a ball and fall asleep, awaiting my turn for the alarm to go off and I get up to start another day of work, to come home knowing that we will both be too tired to do anything together.

Some of those mornings when I knew what that day had for me I just cried after he had left and gone to work. Even days that I was off work was hard for me. I was alone. My schedule is not set. Will only has weekends off and I work almost every single Sunday. Most of my off days are on week days when he is working. So I find myself at home trying to keep my mind occupied by cleaning or whatever. I even drew things to try and make myself feel better! At some point those things stopped working for me and it came down to when I was home by myself I didn't do anything.

I didn't eat, clean, talk to anyone, or even open up the curtains to let some light in. I slept all day, I lost 3lbs in 2 days and even still....I slept, didn't move until I knew it was about the time that Will would come home. And when he did - even he didn't realize how much we were 'neglecting' each other and continued to just want to 'do his own thing' because he had been working all day.

That's when every single 'small' thing got to me. Even words that Will said to me just put me down even more when he wasn't trying to.

Family difficulties, personal issues it all just kept building up and it came down to me calling out of work and asking Will if he could call out for the rest of the week as well just so I can 'get away' and just be with him for a while, to get things sorted out and make up a new plan to have time for work, ourselves, and each other. Of course that was hard for him because he didn't understand me fully and really didn't want to call out of work. But I convinced him that I REALLY needed him at that point and just needed time.

So needless to say there was A LOT of drama and us just trying to plan things out. And so far I think it's doing okay. It hasn't even been a week yet but I already do feel a lot better. I still have my 'off' days but who doesn't? Work is still really packed and uptight but that's just something I try to leave 'at work' and not think about at home. Will and I have come up with some plans of spending time together and figuring out ways to take care of the fosters and still have time for other things like just simply going out to eat or to the movies, or playing games together or simply just cuddling << - anything. I still HATE being home alone but I just have to find ways around that and keep myself busy. Just gotta work our ways around it and pick myself back up when I go downhill - I can't quit now!



~whew~ so that is my post and it's freakin long but for anyone who cares - that has been whats going on and I do this just mostly for myself anyway - to pass time and get what I need to get out -- out.

So update for now! Back to work and still busy as ever, but that’s ok cuz I tend to the foster babies in the mornings and Will tends to them when he gets home at 4:30pm so when I come home I don’t have to worry about doing anything o.o and that leaves time for us -^^-. This past Monday I also picked up a very malnourished 3wk old kitten….he is very lively despite his size, and he bites……-_- oi! Lol just play biting but he bites hard! Cute though -^^- and he can eat on his own so that’s a plus! I hope he makes it =).